It took all my strength and determination to get to class today.
Grouchy? A bit
Resistant? Uhuh, to yoga
Wait, hmm, maybe not so much…
In class I felt an uprising, welling of emotion. The shadow type: sadness, loneliness, old grief amongst others. And I realized that I am not resisting yoga, I am resisting the emotions.
Seems I am boxing at the shadows: determination, concentration, willpower, faith and patience are lining up against my old buddies fear, anxiety, doubt, worry and confusion. This is taking all my energy.
I had a good day yesterday – got a large account for my jewelry, had dinner with friends, walked in the wind and made some decisions. Today the shadows curled around my mind, making me anxious for the decisions I have made. Fear started to creep in. Have I done the right thing?
It is interesting how this process, this journey we are on has me examining so much. Like I said the other day, shining a bright light in the darkness and cleaning house, clearing out. Interesting how even the right decisions can cause the shadow emotions as I come to terms with letting go of that which I can not control.
The only way out is through.