Shadow boxing

It took all my strength and determination to get to class today.

Exhausted?  Yup

Grouchy?  A bit

Resistant?  Uhuh, to yoga

Wait, hmm, maybe not so much…

In class I felt an uprising, welling of emotion.  The shadow type:  sadness, loneliness, old grief amongst others.  And I realized that I am not resisting yoga, I am resisting the emotions. 

Seems I am boxing at the shadows:  determination, concentration, willpower, faith and patience are lining up against my old buddies fear, anxiety, doubt, worry and confusion.  This is taking all my energy.

I had a good day yesterday – got a large account for my jewelry, had dinner with friends, walked in the wind and made some decisions.  Today the shadows curled around my mind, making me anxious for the decisions I have made.  Fear started to creep in.  Have I done the right thing? 

It is interesting how this process, this journey we are on has me examining so much.  Like I said the other day, shining a bright light in the darkness and cleaning house, clearing out.  Interesting how even the right decisions can cause the shadow emotions as I come to terms with letting go of that which I can not control. 

The only way out is through.

Bring it.

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5 Comments

Filed under Bikram 101

5 responses to “Shadow boxing

  1. Sisya

    Ooh, great post. i needed to read this today, about the resistance, and that the only way out is through. Thank you.

  2. Lovely post. I love your characterization of the emotions–it’s dead on! Sometimes it seems like we just don’t make any headway, but maybe the purpose is just to continue fighting…

    • I have a book that says we need to at least acknowledge them – we have this idea that we are not supposed to feel “negative” emotions. We are human so we have a wide range of emotions. I’d like to learn how to have them with out having to stuff them or do anything with them. I think that would be more balanced for me. 🙂

  3. Spot on. I’ve been wondering what the resistance has been all about. Think your right it’s not the yoga it’s the emotions. Big decision coming up for me as well. All the best on the path you’ve chosen. As Yogi Berra would say: “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

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