Today feeling much better.
It is very interesting going back to the “old” studio. There are some students who recognize me from before and are asking where I have been. I am finding it easier to explain – I used to feel angry and upset all over again when asked what happened. Now, it seems the emotional tinge is gone and there is no real reason to say more than necessary. Basically, I was gone, now I’m back.
Practicing there is different too – I am not their teacher at this moment, so it is easy to focus on me (well, relatively considering my state of mind right now). In that way, I am enjoying the practice. I am finding the studio cooler than where I teach – sweaty enough, but could be a touch hotter, in my opinion. Have no idea what the temp is as it is a different heating system and moves the air around more than at our studio. A little cooler means no head games about the heat, just focus, again with the focus.
I also no longer have an excuse. It will be “easy” to get to class across the street from me! Of course, I still have to plan to ensure proper nutrition and hydration, but I don’t have to travel for 30-45 min. For instance, I had to teach the 11:30 out at “my” studio. I didn’t get home until after 2pm. Had to eat, etc, and then wandered across the road for the 7:30 class. Normally, before the challenge, I wouldn’t have bothered to go back out to the studio for the late class as it means I still wouldn’t be home yet (it’s just after 10pm). And trying to make the 5:45 class is crazy because of rush hour traffic.
I think I can used to this.
It’s very interesting when we protect ourselves so much that we miss out on something that could be easy, could be wonderful. Once burned, we hide away, fully intending never to be burned again. This, it seems cuts us off from living a full life. Everything, even the not-so-pleasant experiences are part of what we need to live fully. When holding back, trying not to be burned or feel something hurtful, we are actually living in the past, looking behind us, instead of embracing now, tuning into the moment.
In order to live now, we must tune into ourselves, our intuition and what the world is reflecting back to us. In yoga, we are told to look at ourselves in the mirror, to look into the eyes of our true teacher: Ourself.