Today I have been musing on the meaning of pain – particularly recurring pain, and more precisely, my recurring SI joint pain.
There is lots of information out there that suggests chronic pain is a manifestation of patterns and thoughts in the mind. Fears, even.
I am holding on, clinging, crushing current circumstance out of fear – like I have something in my hand that is trying to escape and I must hold fast so I stay safe. And so I don’t …what? What exactly is that cold nugget I am holding on to?
The pain in class today kept increasing, even as I listened to it, stopping when it screeched too loud. So at one point I decided I needed to ask it:
What are you about, pain?
I need to open my fist and let go of my fear. Even when living with the fear is in a weird way “safe” – not necessarily comfortable or fun, but familiar.
Realizing this brought to mind the following:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles,” 1992